“I am worried all the time”.
“What if I say and everyone will think I am stupid?”
“If I call this person what if they think I am weird?”
“If I share my idea with my team, what if they think I am incompetent?”

This self–talk never ends.

The fear of falling it was best Tom’s* friend through out his life: when he was 6 years old and performed at school theatre and cousin’t sleep night before preparing his role;
When he was teenager and decided to learn to play guitar and just couldn’t stop practising, even when his fingers were bleeding;
When he became 26 and got into Microsoft as an intern and spent most of his time trying to get ready to the worst case scenario and… Good job offer instead!!!

All this led him to where he is in his life today: great career at Microsoft, owning a house at his early 30, playing guitar in a band few times per year. Most of things he ever dreamed of came truth. A lot has changed since he was 6 years old, the only what didn’t this conversation in his head even in his 30th “What if they think I am stupid?”, “What if needed to do it differently?”, “What makes me think that I deserve all I have?”

Tom was hired by Microsoft for position he didn’t even think he can get and it invited his old friend — imposter syndrome, which constantly was showing up through his self–talk: “They just don’t know how much I don’t know”, “If they knew me better they would never hired me at this position”, “Sometimes I feel, that I don’t know anything at all, I feel guilt that I am taking up the space which could be better for someone else” …and many more…

“I had difficulties of staying present, because I was busy judging myself and couldn’t be there for others or even myself”.

“I’d think, “You sound like incompetent. That was not great idea to share, don’t sat anything”. And I didn’t, most of the times. Just realize, that somebody did and got moved forward in their career”. That was constant in my life.

Fear of backlash can stop us from delivering our best results or ideas, but unrevealed potential hurts… a lot more and longer, than experience of failure.

On the paper Tom’s life looked great, but only he and few close people knew what was the price: anxiety was affecting his sleep, led to poor self-care and both mental and physical exhaustion. It was time to change something. That was the moment when Tom* came to therapy with me.

All his life he was motivated by fear. And it was effective in many ways, but at cost of the quality of life he didn’t enjoy anymore. With our work Tom* was able to shift his “gear” and approach things from absolutely different angle, which transformed his quality of life and as a result he has not just good looking facade of his life, but actually being satisfied of its quality from within.